


What happens after season 10?

by wentworthjustmerandomstuff



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-31
Updated: 2018-03-30
Packaged: 2018-12-22 02:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 17,143
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11957475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wentworthjustmerandomstuff/pseuds/wentworthjustmerandomstuff
Summary: What happens after Mcgee, Ziva and Tony hand in their badges? Tiva-centric!Post season 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everybody!
> 
> This will be my first NCIS story. I have some ideas that would not leave me alone, so I will give it try. Reviews would be very welcome, thank you!  
> My native language is Dutch, English is only my third language, so there will be mistakes (probably a lot :s). Feel free to let me know!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!

After handing in their badges and guns, Mcgee, Ziva and Tony left the building going to their respective homes. All three of them didn't know what would come next, they just lost their jobs… But hé that's what you do to protect your family, right?! The trio didn't even had the time to tell the news to Jimmy, Ducky and Abby. Abby would most likely freak out and be really upset for quite some time. Mcgee would visit his friend after she had finished work and be there for whatever she needed.

Tony arrived home twenty minutes later. He knew, rationally, that they did the right thing but it was still very hard to comprehend. So much has happened the last couple of days but he never thought it would end like this. He would do anything to protect his family no matter what, especially Gibbs. After working so long with the man Tony considered Gibbs more a father than DiNozzo Senior would ever be. His dad was not a bad person, not at all. In fact Tony loves his father, but it is a complex situation. The past still hurts a lot…

After taking a beer Tony flopped down on his sofa. He wished he could go back in time and make everything right but knew that was impossible. But everything would be better than trying to deal with the current situation. He had no job, Gibbs was gone for an indefinite period of time, Mcgee looked so uncertain and Ziva...  
He didn't know where to start with her. He tried to understand her situation and how she must feel after losing her father, taking down Bodnar, the whole Parson situation and now Gibbs being gone as well. But damn he was angry with her right now! After everything they been through he thought she trusted him, but she saw him as nothing more than her partner, a friend. He knows his anger toward her is not justified because after all they were nothing more than friends, but he had hoped that she would understand that he felt so much more toward her. He knows that he loved her, correction still loves her, but right now she had hurt him badly. He had told her that she was not alone "Ath lo leh-vahd" at the airport but she still had the guts to tell him she felt alone in Israel and that's why she had slept with Adam. He hated that guy! But she had also friendzoned him after everything that happened in Berlin, before the car crash, … Tony knew a beer wouldn't do the trick to try and forget everything, he needed something much stronger to ease the pain.

Meanwhile Ziva had gone straight to the gym after leaving NCIS, she knew she needed to get out all these emotions she felt inside. The past months had been so emotional and difficult and now she had lost her job as well. And on top of everything else, Gibbs, to closest thing she has to a father, was gone. Ziva knew she had made a lot of mistakes these past couple of months, in particular regarding Tony. She had hurt him by not trusting him, going after Bodnar alone, sleeping with Adam… But Tony didn't know how much she relied on him, he was her rock but she was too afraid to show him her true feelings. It was so much easier to keep him at a distant, even if it hurts the both of them. Back in the woods Ziva wanted nothing more than to tell him how much she loves him. Yes Ziva David was in love with Tony DiNozzo, the class clown. It had taken her a lot of time to realise it, but after Tony rescued her in Somalia she knew she felt more for him than just friendship. But she never found the strength to tell him, what if he didn't felt the same way?  
After a two hour workout Ziva still didn't feel any better but decided to go home, take a very long shower and read a bit. At 11.30pm Ziva went to bed but only after an hour of sleep the nightmares returned…

…

No one will be looking for you, you bitch! You mean nothing to them, just tell me what you know about NCIS and I will end your suffer!

…

Ziva woke up sweating and breathing hard, tears streaming down her cheeks. It took her a while before she knew that she was safe in her apartment and not lying in her cell in Somalia. After her father died the nightmares became much worse. From time to time she would still experience them but now she had one or two of them almost every night. To only thought to keep her from going insane was Tony.0 When she thought about him she would calm down and eventually would fall back at sleep from time to time. But this time was different, after everything that happened today the nightmares wouldn't go away. She decided to take matters in hand, put on some clothes and shoes and left her apartment making her way toward Tony's home.

After his second shot of vodka Tony started to feel the effects of the alcohol, finally. Then all of a sudden he heard a knock on his door. Who would be standing on his porch at 2am? It didn't make any sense. After finding his keys Tony went to open his door in a haze, he was shocked when he found Ziva standing before him. She looked pale and tears were running down her cheeks. But due to the alcohol Tony had already consumed all the anger toward her came back to the surface.

"What are you doing here!?" Tony practically shouted.

"Euh... I couldn't sleep." Ziva stuttered, taken back by Tony loud words.

"So now I am good enough? Adam isn't around I guess?!"

"Adam was a mistake. It did not mean anything, you know that!" A small sob escaped her throat.

"Just go away! You mean nothing to me!" With that being said Tony shut his door and took his glass of Vodka, not realizing what he just said and did.

Ziva too shocked to move remained standing before Tony's door and started crying silently. Saleem had said the exact same words to her…


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hei hei!
> 
> Here is chapter 2, thanks for reading!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!

Tony woke up the following morning with a massive hangover, his head was about to explode and his stomach was playing crazy tricks on him. But even with all the alcohol he had consumed he was able to remember what happened yesterday. Tony could not belief how stupid he had been to react the way he did. Ziva would be so angry with him! He needed to make it right that much he knew, but first some more sleep was needed.

After standing in front of Tony's door for some time Ziva decided to go home, what else could she do? Tony obviously hates her. Once at home Ziva could do nothing more than shedding tears, never in her life had she felt so empty. After her father died Ziva had no biological family left apart from her aunt Nettie but she knew that her co-workers had her back, especially Tony. He had been so kind and supportive throughout the whole ordeal, even with all the mistakes she had made.  
At 5am Ziva went on a run trying to clear her head, she needed to make important decisions regarding the future. She had built a new life here in the VS but now that she had lost her job Ziva didn't know if she would stay in DC. Maybe having a fresh start somewhere else would not be a bad thing?

After sleeping for a couple of hours, taking a much needed shower and eating breakfast Tony decided it was time to make things right with Ziva. He had made a huge mistake yesterday due to too much alcohol. Never before, apart from when Eli died, had he seen Ziva this vulnerable and crying so openly. He was sure there had to be something really wrong, aside from losing her job, Gibbs gone, Persons investigation, but Tony had no idea what.  
At nine o'clock Tony arrived at Ziva's apartment, coffee and donuts in hand. Knocking on her door, Tony heard her approaching.

Ziva was surprised when she heard a knock on her door, she thought it would be Abby demanding why they had quit their jobs. When she opened the door she was more than shocked to see Tony standing there with coffee in one hand, donuts in the other. He smiled politely at her. Even if she had to urge to shut the door in front of his face, Ziva could do nothing more than stare at him.

"Morning, may I come in?" Tony asked, seeing she was lost in her own thoughts.

"I have nothing to tell you! Just leave Tony…"

"Please Ziva, I am sorry for yesterday, I had too much to drink and with everything that happened. Just let us talk, we can work this out." Tony looked her in the eyes but there was no emotion written in them.

"What's going on, are you alright?" He asked her, his voice full of worry.

"I am fine, I just want to be alone."

"You are not fine Ziva, I can see that. Just let me in…"

Ziva opened the door so that Tony could come in, closing the door behind him and taking a seat on her sofa. Tony imitated her actions and took a seat on the opposite side of the sofa. He placed the coffee and donuts on the table in front of her. There was an uncomfortable silence for a long time.

"Ziva I am really sorry about yesterday, I didn't mean what I said, you are important to me! I just… with everything that happened, I just wanted to forget everything for a while. I obviously drunk too much… Can you please look at me?" Tony asked, his voice not louder than a whisper.

"There is nothing I have to say to you Tony." Ziva said to him, her voice without any emotion.

"Why were you crying Ziva? I know things have been far from easy but you looked so upset."

"Do you mean it when you said I mean something to you?" Ziva asked her voice sounding small.

"Yes of course Ziva, you don't ever have to doubt that, I didn't mean a thing I said yesterday. It's hard you know, not having a job and Gibbs gone. It's all so confusing, I just needed to stop thinking about all of it for a moment" His eyes begging her to understand him.

"Okay…" Ziva answered stoical.

"We can watch a movie if you want to? You choose." Tony asked, his voice sounding a bit unsure, trying to do something 'normal'.

For the first time Ziva looked up, a small smile appearing on her face. She nodded and stood up to select the movie she wanted to see. Near the end of the movie Tony couldn't stand it any longer, he needed to know her answer.

"Ziva are we okay?" He asked.

"I think so but Tony... Are you angry with me? Ziva asked.

"Yes, no, I don't know." Tony answered trying to be honest with her.

"Is it Adam? I know it was wrong of me to sleep with him, but I do not have to explain my actions to you Tony." Her voice louder than before.

"I know…."

Tony's answer surprised Ziva, his voice sounding defeated. "Tony, what are we doing?"

"Watching a movie." He tried to joke but failed.

"Funny DiNozzo! I know that but I mean between us."

"There is no US Ziva!" Tony almost shouted!

"Maybe there should be?" Ziva whispered, just loud enough for Tony to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are more than welcome, thank you all for reading! ;)
> 
> It may seem like Tony and Ziva will be jumping into a relationship but it will not be like that. There are still lots of things they have to work through before they can move on. Just hang on! ;)   
> Thanks!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody, here is the next chapter. Enjoy!  
> Thank you all for reading!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!

Tony was too shocked to respond at first. Did he hear her right? She thought there should be an us, as in Ziva and Tony, as in a relationship between the two of them?

"Just forget about it!" Ziva said after a while, when Tony still did not say anything but just kept staring at her.

"No no Ziva, you're not going to take back your words!" Tony almost shouted.

Now it was Ziva's turn to look shocked. "Tony, we cannot just be in a relationship, we are not ready, not at all. We were not talking to each other and fighting only an hour ago. I meant what I said but… " Ziva spoke, her voice sounding small and vulnerable. It was absolutely not the strong Mossad ninja talking that Tony was used to.

"I know, you're right Ziva. But do you think that we have a chance to make it work? I want to try, not today, not even tomorrow but one day in the near future."

It was strange for Ziva to hear Tony talking so openly about his feelings, even more to hear him talking about his feelings toward her. Ziva knew she had to say something but right now all she wanted to do was hug him and maybe even kiss him. But she knew it was way too early to do that. So she went for the second best thing, she got closer toward him on the sofa, took his hand and intertwined their fingers. Just like they did before the crash not so long ago. It was a small gesture but one step closer to becoming more than just friends, which the both of them knew. All they could do was smile at each other.

After a while it was Tony who broke the comfortable silence between them.

"I think that means yes?" He asked smiling his o so typical DiNozzo smile.

"Yes, that means yes." Ziva said, laughing at his almost childish behaviour she secretly loved.

They decided to watch a second movie, this time it was Tony who choose, Bond of course what else. After a couple of minutes Ziva placed her head on Tony's shoulder, snuggling closer into his side. This action brought a smile on both of their faces. After some time during the movie Tony noticed that Ziva had difficulties trying to keep her eyes open.

"You're okay Zi, you look tired?" Tony asked, his tone not louder than a whisper.

"Hmmm just tired, did not sleep a lot." Ziva answered honestly.

"I really am sorry about yesterday…"

"I know and I understand Tony, everyone has its own ways to deal with changes, yes?"

"Yea but…"

"No buts, we are okay! Let us just watch the movie." Ziva said, while a yawn escaped her throat.

"I think you should take a nap and I should probably go and put my apartment back in order." Tony said while standing up.

Only seconds after Tony had said those words, panic was written all over Ziva's face. Tony instincts kicked in, he knew in an instant that something was wrong.

"Ziva can you hear me? What's wrong, are you okay?" Tony asked, his voice filled with worry.

"I am fine, we will see each other soon yes?" She said trying to sound as normal as possible, but failing miserably.

Tony didn't believe her for a second but let it go, for now at least.

"Okay, you are sure you're fine?" He asked once again.

"Yes Tony I am fine, just tired. A nap will do wonders. Thank you."

"Okay, if there's something you need just give me a call?"

"I will, see you Tony." Ziva said, while walking him out to the door.

"Bye Zi!" Tony said happily but also a bit worried about her reaction earlier.

Little did Tony know why Ziva started to panic by merely the thought of closing her eyes…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are still more than welcome!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hei hei!
> 
> New chapter, yet again! Enjoy and thank you all for reading!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!

A couple of days had past since Tony went to see Ziva. He hoped to hear something from her but never even received a single text message. Tony decided to be the one to take the first step. After eating his breakfast he picked up his phone and dialed Ziva's number. After the second ring Tony heard her familiar voice on the other end of the line.

"Ziva David."

"Hey Zeevaaah it's me!" Tony singsonged. "I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come over later and watch a movie? I could even make us dinner."

Ziva was surprised when her phone rang and saw it was Tony who was calling her. It's been a while since she last spoke to him. During the past few days Ziva had a lot of time to think about the situation between to two of them, because of the lack of sleep. The nightmares kept her up most nights and she slowly started to feel sleep deprived. When Tony invited her over Ziva was tempted to decline his offer but she knew she needed someone to be there for her. If she eventually wanted a good night sleep. Before resigning and Gibbs leaving Ziva would sometime go over to Gibbs his place and sleep there. Nobody, except Gibbs of course, knew this. The sleepovers started shortly after coming back from Somalia, when the nightmares were very present. The knowledge that there was someone who she trusted while sleeping made the nightmares less severe most of the time. Even when she experienced a bad dream Gibbs was there to wake her up and calm her down. Ziva didn't like the fact that she was being weak in the presence of someone else. But Gibbs always reassured her that it is okay to be afraid and needing a shoulder to cry on from time to time. So after a short period of time she answered Tony:

"I would like that Tony, but you do not have to cook for me. We can just order take-out."

"Oh Zi, that's not a problem. I can make us some pasta, if you like?" Tony answered her.

"Okay that sounds nice, thank you!" Ziva said.

"Super, you can come over at 4pm if you want to. We can maybe watch a movie before dinner." Tony's answered, his enthusiasm clearly audible in his voice.

"I would like that, see you later and thank you Tony!"

"No problem at all Ziva, see you soon! Bye!" Tony responded.

After hanging up the phone Ziva was lost in her own thoughts. She would like to tell Tony about her nightmares, Somalia, losing her father etc... But she was too afraid. It was not easy at all to talk about it. Ziva couldn't even find the words to describe what she experienced in Somalia. Just the thought of what she's been through makes her feel sick to her stomach. But she also knew that if she wanted to build a relationship with Tony she would have to talk to him about all of it someday. She decided to just see how things work out tonight, a good night sleep was her first priority. It's been a long time since Ziva felt so weak physically, the last three days she only slept seven hours. Fatigue was taking a toll on her body, she felt like she could cry at any moment. Ziva decided to take a run, do some grocery shopping, hoping that time would fly by…

Tony was surprised that Ziva had agreed to watching a movie and eating dinner together. But he was also worried, she sounded off. He was determined to find out what was going on with her, even if that meant crossing some boundaries.

\- 4pm -

At exactly 4pm Tony heard a knock on his door, on time like always that's my ninja, Tony thought.

"Hey Ziva, come on in!" Tony said his voice filled with joy, he was very happy to see her. But when he saw her standing there, in front of his door, he only saw a shadow of the "normal Ziva". She looked so tired and small. In an instant Tony's happiness was transformed into worry.

"You're okay Zi? Come in." He asked, not sure if he should ask her that question.

Ziva wanted to be honest with Tony, so she went for the first thing that came to her mind.

"I am very tired, I am not able to sleep." She said sounding defeated, her eyes starting to fill with tears.

Tony first instinct was to embrace her in a strong hug, but he knew Ziva would not appreciate his pity. "Can I do something? Do you want to talk about it Zi? He asked, his voice sounding unsure.

"I do not know Tony, I just need some sleep… Can we simply watch a movie?" Ziva asked, trying to change the subject.

"Yea of course! Make yourself at home, I will take us some sodas and make popcorn. Okay?"

"Thank you Tony." Ziva said, while taking a place on his sofa.

"Here you go." Tony said handing her a soda. "What do you want to watch, something light, maybe a comedy?"

"Everything is fine by me, you choose. I trust you!" Ziva answered, a small smile appearing on her face.

"Okay... Ooh I found the perfect one 'Mrs. Doubfire', one comedy movie coming up my lady!" Tony said trying to make her feel comfortable.

"Never heard about it, but sounds good to me!"

After putting the DVD into the player Tony took a seat on the sofa. Only after five minutes Ziva came closer to Tony and put her head on his shoulder, just like she did the last time they watched a movie together. But this time Tony wanted to know what was going on in her head, so he pressed stop and faced her.

"Ziva… what's going on? Why can't you sleep? You look so tired. Are you still mad at me?" Tony rambled.

For the first time that evening Ziva looked Tony in the eyes, all her walls down. All the emotions she felt inside were visible on her face. Tony had never before seen so many different expressions and emotions on her face. There were times, like in Berlin and even in Paris, when he was able to see Ziva with her walls partially down but never like this. He could see pain, regret, desperateness, but also a little bit of hope.

"I just… Do you remember that night when I stayed here after my father died?" She asked, her voice not louder than a whisper.

"Yes, I do. Why?"

"Do you remember when you woke me up from that nightmare?"

"Yes I do Ziva, but I don't understand…"

"I still have nightmares Tony, every time I close my eyes… I am not able to sleep." Ziva said, trying to hold back the tears.

Tony could see how hard she tried to keep the tears at bay and decided it was time to cross some boundaries. But before he even had the change to do or say something Ziva interrupted him.

"You cannot come any closer or do something please, I do not want to cry. I cannot cry, that is just weak. Maybe I should go…" Ziva pleaded.

Ziva can you look at me, please?" Tony asked his voice full of worry.

Ziva was not able to look at him. She knew that if she looked him in his eyes and see the worry in them, she would not be able to hold back the tears any longer. But Tony intervened and put his thumb under her chin, lifting her face up.

"You know it's okay to cry, you are not weak if you cry Zi. Just let it go, I've got your back!"

These words were too much for Ziva to handle and the tears came rolling down her cheeks. She placed her head in her hands, with her elbows on her knees and started sobbing. Ziva had always been a very strong but private person, who would keep her emotions hidden. But seeing her like this, Tony wondered how much Ziva already had endured during her young life. All he wanted to do was provide her with some comfort but he didn't know how. But still having the urge to do something, Tony tentatively placed his hand on her back and started to make comforting circles up and down her back.

After a while Ziva looked up at Tony, her eyes red from crying, and put her head on his shoulder. He put his arm on instinct around her waist, keeping her close to him. They stayed like that for a few moments.

"Thank you Tony." Ziva whispered after some time.

"You're welcome Zi. If you want you can take a nap here while I prepare dinner."

"Tony?" Ziva voiced, her voice sounding very vulnerable. "Do not go please?"

"I am right here Ziva, just lay down. I'm going to bring you a blanket." Tony said, while standing up and going to his bedroom.

After handing Ziva the blanket, reassuring her everything would be okay in time and that he would be right here Ziva closed her eyes and drifted to sleep. Tony let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He had no idea things were this hard for her, it hurts him to see her like this. But he also knew he wanted to be there for her, whatever she needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are still more than welcome!  
> Thank you!
> 
> Greetz!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoi!
> 
> Here's the next chapter, enjoy!  
> Thank you all for reading!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I appreciate any feedback! Thanks!
> 
> Greetz!

Tony watched Ziva sleep for a few more minutes, making sure she was fine. Then he decided it was time to prepare dinner, even if he thought Ziva would probably be asleep for some time. He was going to make spaghetti, just like his mother had taught him to. Tony started to boil the pasta when suddenly he heard noises coming from his living room. The noises reminded him of the last time Ziva slept in his apartment and when he had woken her up from a nightmare. Arriving in his living room, Tony was initially surprised and slightly shocked by what he saw. Ziva was tossing and sweating heavily in her sleep and little sounds escaped her throat. Tony was sure she was having a nightmare.

…

Leave me alone I have nothing to tell you! Do not touch me, you bastard!

…

Abba!

…

Tony decided to wake her up before it got any worse. Just like he did when her father had died and Ziva had stayed the night, Tony gently placed his hand on her arm and stirred her a little. All the while saying her name in a low voice. After the second attempt Ziva awoke with a start, slightly out of breath, her body tense and fear clearly visible on her face.

"Hey Zi! It's just me Tony, you're safe. You're fine, just try to relax." Tony whispered, trying to calm her down.

Only after whispering soothing words for a while Ziva started to relax. Tony loosed his grip on her wrist.

"Are you okay Ziva? Do you need some water? You can take a shower if you want, dinner will be ready in 10 minutes." Tony asked, wanting to make sure Ziva was fine, his voice filled with concern.

Ziva was still trying to get rid of the remaining images of her nightmare, flashes from her time in Somalia and her father's dead popping up in her head. She was surprised when Tony woke her up but also relieved at the same time to see that he was still here. He had kept his promise! She saw Tony's worried expression and knew he was waiting for her to answer him.

"I am fine Tony, but I am not really hungry. I should probably go home." Ziva said to him, her voice still slightly shivering.

"Ziva, you're absolutely not fine and you do have to eat something. You look like you didn't eat anything since I last saw you. Besides we still have a movie to watch." Tony answered, trying to keep her at his place a little bit longer to make sure she was okay.

"Fine, but I would like to refresh myself if that is possible?" Ziva whispered, while trying to avoid Tony's eyes. She really wanted to stay at Tony's apartment, she felt safer here than being alone at her place. But she also knew that relying on others was a sign of weakness, that's what her father always told her. But then she remembered Gibbs words "from time to time we all need a shoulder to cry on" and realized it was not a shame to need Tony's comfort.

"Not a problem, go take a shower Zi. You can even borrow some of my clothes. Come on." He said, helping her to her feet and leading her toward his bathroom.

Ten minutes later Ziva arrived in Tony's kitchen, her hair still wrapped in a towel. Ziva actually felt more refreshed than she had in the last couple of days, even with the little sleep she just had. She liked wearing Tony's clothes because they smelled like him, not that she would ever tell him that. The two of them ate in a comfortable silence, from time to time looking at each other.

"Mmmm I like your spaghetti Tony, I did not know you could cook?" Ziva said, a small smile on her face.

"Glad you like it Miss David! I am a man with many secrets! Still up for a movie after dinner?" Tony smiled, very pleased with himself that Ziva liked his cooking.

"I do not know, I should probably go hom. It is getting late." Ziva answered.

"Come on it's only 8pm, still a lot of time to watch a movie! It's not like we have to go to work tomorrow."

Ziva's face fell after Tony mentioned work. Tony could feel the atmosphere changing and knew he should not have mentioned work. He still hadn't dealt with the fact of being unemployed and knew Ziva was struggling with it as well.

"Sorry, that was a stupid thing to say…" He said, his voice sounding unsure not knowing how Ziva would react.

"It is okay Tony, you do not have to apologize." Ziva said, while squeezing his hand that lay on the table in front of her. She knew it was difficult for Tony as well and that he was just trying to convince her to stay and lighten up the mood.

"You do know you don't have to be okay all the time Zi?" Tony whispered.

"What do you want me to say than." Ziva said, her voice sounding stern.

"What about the truth?" Tony responded, avoiding Ziva's eyes.

"You do not want to hear the truth Tony, trust me…" Ziva said defeated.

"Why not Ziva?"

It took Ziva some time to answer, but she wanted to be honest with Tony without giving too much away.

"Because I do not know how? I do not know where to start to be honest." She said, while tears were beginning to pool in her eyes.

"Do you trust me?" Tony asked.

Ziva was surprised by his question, but she didn't have to think long before answering him.

"Of course I do, you know that." She voiced, an honest smile plastered on her face.

"That's good to hear, now come on let's get comfy on the couch. Much more easier to talk." Tony said, while walking toward his living room, Ziva slowly following him.

"Tony… I cannot." Ziva whispered, not able to look Tony in the eyes.

"Trust me Zi, we can just talk no? Not necessary about difficult stuff but about things we like, things we did when we were younger, nothing complicated." Tony asked trying to sound carefree, like nothing was going on.

"Okay we can, but you start." Ziva said while smiling, glad that Tony decided to keep things light even if eventually they would have to talk about more unpleasant topics.

They were talking and laughing, Ziva listening to Tony's funny stories he experienced during his stay in boarding school. She knew Tony only makes fun of himself this way when he tries to pretend that everything was fine back then and that it didn't bothered him that his father was out of the picture most of the time while he was growing up. Suddenly Ziva spoke:

"Tony why do you not take your own advice and stop pretending that you are okay with the way your father behaved when you were younger." She put into words stoical, her voice without any emotion.

"Whoho my ninja where is that coming from, I was just telling you a funny story." Tony answered, taken aback by her comment.

"It is not funny Tony." Ziva said while grabbing his arm. "Look at me and be honest with me!"

"There's nothing to say Ziva. I really am fine, I don't care anymore. It is how it is, it's been a long time." Tony whispered, but his voice sounding very stern.

"Why is it so difficult for us to just tell each other the truth?" Ziva spoke defeated.

"But Ziva I'm honest, I don't care anymore. I know my father did a poor job but look at me now, I'm perfectly fine." He said, trying to smile but failing.

"You know that is not the truth Tony! I saw the way you looked when you showed me that picture of your mother." Ziva responded still holding his arm. "And do not even try to make fun of yourself or joke about it Tony!"

"It's been a long time ago, I don't want to talk about it Ziva." Tony said while standing up, trying to put as much space between them feeling very uncomfortable with the current situation.

"Do not run away Tony, not now… I understand you do not want to talk about it but we have to talk about this kind of things if we want to… You know." Ziva whispered, her voice small and unsure.

"I know…" Tony answered with a heavy voice, sitting back on his couch. "But not now, okay?"

"Then when Tony?" Ziva asked.

"Someday… I guess." Tony answered, wanting to be honest with Ziva. He truly didn't know if he would even be ready to talk about his mother's dead and his father's behavior.

"Someday, that is the word between us, is it not… Fine, I should go home!" Ziva answered, not very happy with his answer.

"Stay! Please…" Tony asked, his voice sounding very unsure. Ziva was surprised by his request but hearing his voice this vulnerable she accepted his offer.

"Okay, I will. Maybe we can finally watch that movie?"

"I would like that Miss David." He said, while smiling.

Both took their place in his sofa, deciding they needed some entertainment after all the talking. Just like the last two times Ziva quickly placed her head on Tony's shoulder, enjoying his warmth.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hei hei!
> 
> Next chapter is up! Enjoy!  
> Thank you all for reading! Sorry for all the grammatical and spelling mistakes, I do my best.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!

After the movie ended Tony saw that Ziva's eyes were starting to close.

"Hey sleepyhead." Tony whispered.

"Hmmm… What?" Ziva murmured. But suddenly everything came back to her, the talking with Tony, where she was, etc.

"Sorry Tony. I think I was falling asleep, I should go." Ziva said while standing up, refusing to make any eye-contact.

"Please Ziva, it's late. You can stay here at my place, I will take the couch." Tony said trying to sound as casual as possible, even if he really hoped she would say yes.

"I cannot, your back and… No." She said looking down.

"Look at me Zi." Tony pleaded.

When Ziva didn't respond Tony placed his finger under her chin and lifted her face up, so he could look into her eyes.

"Ziva it's late and you're too tired to drive, just stay here. I would feel better knowing you are safe." Tony used his puppy eyes trying to convince her.

The fact was that Ziva really wanted to stay at Tony's place, she didn't want to be alone. But her father had taught her, since she was very young, that you cannot depend on others. They will only betray you in the end. But this is Tony we are talking about, he had been her rock, the one person that always been there throughout everything. Ziva decided that she could trust Tony and nodded.

"Okay but I will take the couch." Ziva said, a small smile plastered on her face.

"Oh no no Ziva. I'm being a gentlemen here, I'm definitely taking the couch no arguing about it." Tony answered very determined, showing her his typical DiNozzo grin.

Ziva whispered some Hebrew words, Tony having no idea what she said but making a mental note to learn Hebrew in the near future.

"Come on time to go to bed Zi." Tony said making his way toward his bedroom.

"I thought you were going to sleep on the couch Tony?" Ziva asked, trying to make Tony uncomfortable.

"Yea yea of course. I'm just gonna take a pillow, brush my teeth and stuff like that. After that the room is all yours." Tony answered, a smile visible on his face.

A couple of minutes later Tony reappeared in his living room, clothed in sweat pants and one of his old t-shirt.

"Sleep tight Ziva, if there's anything you know where to find me."

"Good night Tony and thank you for everything." Ziva said, the honesty of her words clearly audible in her voice.

"You're welcome, now get some sleep."

After that the two parted, each going to their respective sleeping places. Even if all they had done was some talking and watching a movie Tony was exhausted. Ziva had really took him by surprise when she said he needed to take his own advice regarding his feelings toward his youth. He really didn't want to talk about his mother's dead and the way his father traded him during his young life. But he knew he had to find a way to talk about it eventually. And then there was all the stuff and emotions Ziva was going through. He knew it was hard for her and that she was fighting to stay strong and be okay. But damn it, things would be much easier if she just talked to him, he would always have her back! Tony tried to clear his head and get some needed sleep.

Ziva crawled into bed, no in Tony's bed to be exact. He could be such a goofy ball from time to time but that's one of the things she likes about him. But secretly Ziva was glad to sleep in his bed, she could smell his scent all over the sheets and it calmed her down somehow. She knew the nightmares probably wouldn't be far away, but she knew Tony would be there just like this afternoon and after her father died. Ziva would like nothing more than be able to tell Tony everything and be completely honest with him about everything. But there was always something that held her back, probably fear she thought. One day she would tell him, that she promised, not only to him but also to herself. After going over everything that happened today, Ziva drifted to sleep.

…

She was lying on the dirty floor, hadn't eaten in four days, blood all over her clothes, sweat dripping from her body because of the heat. But she could deal with all of that… But then they came again. She tried to be as still as possible, not put up a fight but it was so hard… It hurts so much.

…

"Please make it stop, please…"

Tony was not able to sleep, there were so many things that kept playing over and over in his head. Suddenly he heard whispers coming from his bedroom, the room currently occupied by Ziva. First he thought it was just his mind playing tricks on him, it was already after 3am after all. But then he heard it again and slumbered toward his room.

"Please make it stop…"

Ziva was sweating and turning over and over again in his bed, fearful words escaping her throat.

"Please make it stop… Please leave me alone!"

Tony knew he needed to wake her up and make the nightmare go away. Just like he did before, he gently placed his hand on her arm and began to whisper her name.

"Come on Zi wake up, you're safe here. Wake up." Tony whispered, urging her to wake up. After a couple of tries Ziva woke up with a start, gasping for air.

"Do not touch me!" Ziva almost screamed, pulling her knees to her chest and placing her arms tightly around her legs. Her whole body was shivering, her breathing hard and fast.

Tony needed to act fast because he saw that she was starting to have a panic attack. He started whispering little words to her, trying to calm her down. He told her stories about the first couple of years they worked together. After a while Ziva started to relax a little bit, her breathing becoming more regular.

"Thank you." Ziva whispered, her voice harsh. She tried to keep her emotions in check but she knew she was failing.

"You don't have to thank me Ziva, I will always have your back. Do you want some water?"

"I am fine." Ziva said. But a single tear escaped her eye, she was absolutely not fine.

"Don't pretend you're fine Ziva, you were starting to have a panic attack only five minutes ago!" Tony almost shouted.

Tony saw how Ziva tried to keep from crying but he just wish that she would trust him enough to show him her real emotions. Some more tears made their way down her cheeks and Tony could not take it anymore. She was still in the same position but he embraced her in a "side hug". This time when Tony enveloped Ziva in a hug she started crying, sobs escaped her throat.

"I am right here Zi just let it all out, I've got you. You're gonna be alright, I promise." Tony whispered in a soothing voice.

"Stay here, do not go…" She pleaded, sounding vulnerable.

"I am not going anywhere, I'm right here." Tony whispered.

Tony asked Ziva to lie down and placed the blankets over her. He stayed on top of the sheets but placed his arm around her waist and kept whispering consoling words. The two of them stayed like that for some time. After a while Tony heard Ziva breathing even out, she was back to sleep. His heart was hurting, Ziva was the strongest person he knew but only twenty minutes ago she was sobbing so hard his body was trembling as well. He had no idea what her nightmare was all about but he knew it must be something terrible by the fear in her eyes. But now she was sleeping so close to him and he hoped somehow that his presence would calm her down a bit. So she at least could have some decent sleep. He would absolutely do anything for her!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like always reviews are more than welcome, and thank you for the reviews I already received. It' s very nice to hear your opinion!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoi everybody!
> 
> New chapter is up, enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!

Tony was surprised to see that he was the first one to wake up the next morning, Ziva was still sound asleep. Tony felt relieved, he was afraid that after yesterday Ziva would be gone in the morning because she may feel ashamed by the emotions and tears she had showed. But they still lay in the same position, Tony's arm in a protective manner around Ziva's waist and Ziva on her side with her face toward Tony. It was the first time since a very long time that Tony had seen Ziva so relaxed. He decided to get out of bed, without waking up Ziva or at least trying to, and prepare breakfast. But so much for his attempt, Ziva's ninja senses were still on high alert even in her sleep. She woke up the second Tony removed his arm around her waist.

"What is going on?" Ziva asked with a sleepy voice.

"Shh go back to sleep Ziva, I will wake you up when breakfast is ready." Tony whispered.

"Eum… What time is it?"

"A little after nine, why?" Tony asked, still not sure how she would react after yesterday's events. He was afraid she would shut him out after all.

"Oh…" Was all Ziva could say.

"Is there something wrong Zi?"

"No not really. I usually wake up at 5am and…" Ziva said, looking down trying to avoid Tony's face.

"And what Ziva?" Tony asked, his voice gentle trying to make her comfortable.

"It is the first time I slept this long without you know…" She whispered, still looking down.

"That's a good thing no?" Tony questioned.

Ziva still refused to make eye-contact, she only shrugged.

"You know you don't need to be ashamed about yesterday, yes? We all need someone sometimes, I'm glad I could help Ziva." Tony said very determined, letting her know that he didn't think any less of her, on the contrary.

This time Ziva felt strong enough and looked Tony in the eyes.

"I am not sure, do not get me wrong. I am very grateful for your help and support. I just…"

"Hé Zi that's what friends are for!" Tony answered, his voice full of hope and honesty.

"Tony, you are more than just a friend. I mean after you woke me up this morning… It is the first time since my father died that I felt safe enough to go back to sleep because you stayed here. Normally I would go for a run or stay up till I had to go to work." Ziva whispered, very self-conscious and a bit ashamed.

Tony was, to say the least, very surprised by Ziva's answer and had no idea how to respond to that. He was very thankful because she had basically told him not only that she trusted him, but also that she thought of them as more than just friends. He wanted to show her that he was very thankful to be that person in her life.

"Thank you." Tony whispered, not sure what else to say.

"No, thank you Tony." Ziva answered, while taking his hand intertwining their fingers. A smile appearing on both their faces.

Tony was very unsure about what to do next, he would like to give her a hug but thought it was probably too early. So the next thing Ziva said took Tony totally by surprise:

"Is it okay if I give you a hug?"

Tony wasn't sure if he had heard her right, the words came out not louder than a whisper.

"Yes, of course."

The two embraced each other in a tight hug, Ziva's placed her arms around Tony's torso, her head on his chest. His arms went around her shoulders, keeping her close to him while resting his chin on her head. It was Ziva who whispered:

"Thank you Tony."

"You're welcome Zi!"

They stayed like that for what seemed like hours before letting go of each other. Tony was the first one to speak:

"I will make breakfast, you can take a shower if you like. If you need any clothes just take a look in my closet. Okay?"

"I would like to take a shower, thank you." Ziva answered, while standing up.

"Okido take your time!" Tony answered with a joyful voice.

Tony was glad Ziva didn't seemed too uncomfortable after what happened yesterday. He was definitely in a good mood, he never expected her to be so open with him or even hugging him. But it felt good, they were finally starting to work through their personal problems together. He was proud of her for sharing some of her feeling with him, but he had no idea how to tell her that because it sounded really silly. He is still a guy and a DiNozzo after all and has a reputation to protect, at least that's what he always thought. But Tony felt comfortable around Ziva and would like to be able to share some of his memories about his family with her.

Ziva was feeling really good, such a huge weight was lifted off her shoulders. Sharing some of her emotions with Tony was absolutely a good idea, even if she had her doubts before. She still felt not completely sure about sharing her feelings with others but Tony was an exception. She felt so many different feelings toward him and most of them made her so confused. But she knew Tony would never hurt her intentionally. He was definitely worth it.

Fifteen minutes later Ziva walked into Tony's kitchen wearing one his sweatpants and shirt.

"Hey, what are you making?" She asked.

"Just some eggs with toast, I don't really have anything else." He answered. Tony felt a little unsure, when he proposed to make breakfast he forgot that he actually didn't have a lot of food in his house. Because of that, he felt kind of stupid.

Ziva sensed that he was a bit uncomfortable, but she couldn't care less about what they ate. She was just glad to be in his company.

"Eggs and toast sounds perfect!" She answered cheerful.

"Okay, take a seat Miss David and enjoy!"

The two of them ate in a comfortable silence, simply enjoying each other company. After a while Tony was lost in his own thoughts. In two days it would be the anniversary of his mother's dead. Usually he would go back to his hometown and make a tour around. Visit his old house, the school he used to go to before going to boarding school and finally visiting his mother's grave. Afterward Tony would go home and get so drunk he would not remember what he had done the next day. Even after so many years it still hurts a lot. He was thinking that maybe this year he could ask Ziva if she would like to come along. If she could let him in on her thoughts and emotions than he should do the same.

"What are you thinking Tony?" Ziva asked, growing a little bit worried about his silence. Most of the time silence with Tony means there is something wrong with him.

"Hmmm what?"

"What are you thinking?" Ziva asked again.

"Oh… Do you have something to do in two days?"

"No, why? What is going on?"

"Nothing… Just, I'm going home then. Would you like to come with me? You don't have to, your choice." Tony rattled of, suddenly very unsure why he would even ask her something like that.

"I would like to come with you, are you sure? Are you okay Tony?"

"Yes I'm fine, of course I'm fine! Okay that's settled. What are you doing today, like to watch some more movies together?" Tony said, trying to chance the subject.

"Yes, I would like that! I will do the dishes while you go shower, you smell." Ziva said, a smile appearing on her face because of the way Tony was looking at her.

"I do not, David! If you're not nice, no movies for you!"

"It was just a joke Tony, now go!" Ziva answered while laughing.

Hearing Ziva laugh was worth a lot, even if she was laughing on his account. He hurried toward the bathroom, eager to be back and watch some movies together.

"Hey Zi, it's your turn to pick a movie by the way!"

Twenty minutes later Ziva and Tony were sitting in his sofa watching 'The sound of music', much to Tony dislike. But he didn't complain because being with Ziva was worth everything, even if that meant watching a crapy movie.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoi!
> 
> Here is a new chapter, enjoy! Thank you all for reading.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!

Two days later Ziva was getting ready for the day, in half an hour Tony would be here. They would go to the place where Tony grew up and Ziva was excited. She knew it probably had taken him a lot of courage to ask her to come along but she was really grateful for it. She realized there would possibly be some bittersweet moments, it was after all still the place where Tony grew up and where he had made lots of fond memories with his family. Now it was her time to be there for Tony, if he needed it.

During the past two days time flew by, filled with doing groceries, cleaning, laundry … Ziva felt refreshed and peaceful, yesterday she only had one nightmare and last night none at all. Finally things started to brighten up for her.

Meanwhile Tony was making a mess of his clothes, he was so nervous about today that he had spilled coffee on his shirt again. He hadn't told Ziva what they were going to do so he was apprehensive toward her reaction. Would it not be too awkward or strange? He was determined to make the best of it and just wait and see how things would go. He also felt kind of sick, this day always brought back memories he hoped never ever having to face again but that was not an option. These memories were stuck in his memory for even, usually he just didn't deal with them. He tried to block them out like they never existed but that was impossible. On a normal day Tony would think back to that day at least once but today was different. He would be surrounded by many reminders of that day, of his youth altogether. He hoped he could face everything without showing too much emotion. He could be emotional when he was back home alone, he thought.

Twenty minutes later Tony was knocking on Ziva's door. It only took her a couple of seconds before opening it.

"Hey Tony, how are you? Ready for today?" Ziva asked her voice filled with joy.

"You sound cheerful today! And I'm good, how are you?" Tony answered.

"I am fine, slept well."

"No nightmares?" Tony asked after some hesitation.

"Yes none!" A bright smile appearing on Ziva's face.

"That's great Zi, you deserve it."

"Thank you, ready to go?" Ziva asked.

"Yes, I brought along some water and sweets it's quite a long drive. That's okay?"

"That is very thoughtful of you and we have time, no? Come on let us go!" Ziva said while taking her stuff and closing her front door.

The moment Ziva opened her door and saw Tony standing there she knew it would be a long day. Tony looked pale, a bit nervous and a little lost. Definitely not his normal self but she would try to cheer him up by acting all happy and delightful.

The drive was slightly less then four hours. During that time little was said other than some small talk about unimportant stuff. Minute by minute they came closer toward their destination Ziva felt Tony starting to grow more and more unrestful. She didn't know what was coming but she could tell by Tony's behavior it was something he was not sure about how to handle. The car came to a stop and both of them went out and made their way toward each other.

"Tony…"

"Hmmm…"

"Are you okay, you seem a little off?"

"I'm fine Ziva, it's just I've never before asked someone to come along that's all." Tony shrugged.

"Oh thank you… So this is where you grew up?" Ziva asked, surprised that she was the first one was to come along.

"Yes is it, I would like to show you around if you like."

"That is perfect, just take the lead DiNozzo." Ziva said while smiling, trying to make Tony feel more comfortable.

The two of them made a trip around, passing by his old house and school. Tony told Ziva some funny stories he remembered about dirty tricks he did with his friends when they were young. After some time they ended up in front of the graveyard. This is where the hard part begins Tony thought. He wanted Ziva to come with him and "meet" his mother. Only the thought of his mother being so close to him made his stomach flip.

"Ziva… I would like you to meet someone." Tony whispered his voice lanced with an emotion Ziva was not very familiar with. He sounded sad, very sad.

It was only after Tony said these words that Ziva put all the pieces of the puzzle together. He wanted her to meet his mother, or at least her grave. Suddenly she was overwhelmed with so many emotions. This was a very big step for Tony, trusting her with something this personal, this painful. She had no idea how to react but suddenly it all made sense why he was so unrestful.

"Are you sure?" Ziva whispered back.

"Yes, or at least I think I am." Tony answered honestly.

"I want to be open with you Zi and this, the dead of my mother, is a big part of me, it made me who I am today. If we want to be together at some point in the future I need to let you in, little by little. I'm not ready yet to tell you about my mother but I'm ready to show you at least this." Tony uttered, looking down.

Ziva was bewildered but very touched by his confession. She knew how hard it is to talk about the family you've lost. So it was a huge sign of trust to take her to this place. She knows Tony is a very private person, he would joke about his family and how Senior acted, but except from that one time when he talked about his mother, Tony hadn't showed any deep emotions about his family. This was definitely a monumental step forward and Ziva was determined to let him know that she felt really honored by this act of trust. Ziva took a step toward Tony so that they were practically face-to-face and placed one hand on his chest while her other hand cupped his cheek, so he was looking into her eyes.

"Thank you Tony for trusting me. I understand how difficult it must be but I want you to know that I am really grateful that you want me to meet your mother."

At that point a single tear made his way down his cheek, Tony felt very embarrassed. He was not supposed to be this emotional, he had told himself over and over again these last two days. To just keep it together in Ziva's company. Ziva was quick to brush away the tear with her thumb, gently stroking his cheek in the process. She felt that he was not comfortable with displaying his emotions.

"You know a good friend of me told me that every once in a while everyone need someone to rely on. It is okay Tony." Ziva told him, her hand still remaining on his chest.

"Thank you Zi… Would you come with me please."

Tony led Ziva toward his mother's grave and knelt down, removing all the leafs that had fallen onto the gravestone. He made sure the whole stone was pristine. Then he stood next to Ziva, both looking at his mother's grave…

IN LOVING MEMORY OF

ELISABETH MARIE PADDINGTON

OCT. 12. 1946

JUNE 10. 1979

It was Tony who broke the silence after a while:

"It's complicated you know, I still miss my mom but I was too young to have lots of memories. I still have some but I guess over the years I've gotten used to not having a mother. What makes it so difficult is that she didn't have to die and that since that day I've lost my father as well in some way. I love Senior but it hurts you know, I was just a child and…" Tony couldn't find the words anymore, the pain in his heart was too much all of a sudden. It's true he loves his father but had done a very poor job parenting him.

Ziva could see the hurt reflecting in Tony's eyes and face. After he had stopped talking Ziva took his hand between hers, just letting him know that she understood, words weren't necessary to express her thoughts in that moment.

They stayed like that for a very long time, Ziva making sure Tony knew he could depend on her.

"I would like to go home." Tony whispered.

"We could stay a bit longer if you want." Ziva answered.

"No thank you, it's time."

"All right, I will drive."

"Fine…" He answered looking down avoiding any eye contact with her.

Tony and Ziva made their way toward his car, still holding hands. Ziva knew that Tony needed some reassurance. Tony on the other hand was emotionally exhausted, he had tried to keep his emotion under control, only one tear escaped his eye but it was fatiguing. While driving home the both of them were lost in their own thoughts, Tony was looking outside the window his face still looking very sad and tired. After some time it was Ziva who broke the silence:

"We can go to my place, I can cook us something."

"Thanks for the offer Ziva but I need some time alone, sorry…"

"I understand, you know I am very thankful you shared all of these memories with me. Your mother's gravestone is really beautiful." Ziva said.

"Thank you…" Was all Tony could say.

A couple of hours later they arrived at Ziva's place.

"You can come up, the offer still stands." Ziva spoke.

"Thank you, maybe another time."

"Sure, are you going to be okay Tony?" Ziva asked, a bit worried about his whole demeanor. She hoped he would not do anything stupid.

"I will be fine Ziva, I'm not a little boy anymore."

"I know, do not be a stranger, we will say each other soon yes?

"Yea we will, good night Ziva."

"Good night Tony." Ziva said while walking toward her apartment. She was concerned, she knew Tony wasn't fine at all. She would make sure he was alright the following morning.

Tony drove home on autopilot, not aware of anything that happened on the outside world. He needed a good drink after today, washing away all the bad memories. He was glad he had shared this day with Ziva but he just needed some time alone right now. He would probably regret it in the morning but he needed alcohol at this moment…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, here are some remarks to try and make things more truthful.
> 
> In the show it is said that Tony grew up in Long Island, New york. Tony now works and lives in Washington DC. I did some research and they say it's about 375km/233 miles to go from one place to the other. So it would probably make it a four hour drive. But it's still fiction, so I made the choose to make the drive a bit shorter.
> 
> Also regarding the timeline of this story. The show ended May 14 but I only started to write at the beginning of August. Like mentioned in this chapter we are only at the beginning of June. I just wanted to make that clear to avoid vagueness. I still have lots of ideas, so at this point I have no idea when or where this story will end…
> 
> Like always reviews are more than welcome!
> 
> Greetz!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!  
> Here is a new chapter, enjoy!  
> I do my very best but I am sorry if there are spelling or grammatical mistakes...  
> Thank you all for reading this story! I never expected this amount of response but it makes me very happy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!

Four days later Ziva still hadn't heard anything from Tony, she had sent him a bunch of text messages, even going over to his apartment but without any success. She was concerned to say the least. Where would he be, was he all right? Ziva felt a little hopeless, what if something had happened to him? She knew he probably just needed some time alone, dealing with everything that happened the last month. Yes it's already been a month since the three of them handed in their badges, thirty days without any news from Gibbs…

All the events were beginning to take its toll on Ziva, she felt so damn tired. The last few nights the nightmares were keeping her from any decent sleep, and during the day all she did was worrying about Gibbs and Tony. But she also felt hurt, the last weeks she had shared a lot with Tony and now he just what? He didn't want to be in her company anymore? What about the post elevator us? Ziva thought she could rely on Tony but in the end it seems that her father was right, you cannot depend on others. Ziva felt like crying but she would not let the tears fall, she was too proud for that.

Tony strolled toward his bedroom, for the fourth day in a row he was quite drunk, so the minute his body came in contact with his bed he fell asleep. He knows that this was not the way to deal with your problems. But for now it was all he could do, he was not ready yet to deal with everything. He knew Ziva had send him lots of text messages and even knocked on his door, but he couldn't face her. She had seen him in a vulnerable state and to be honest he felt ashamed. People were not supposed to see him in that state of mind. Tony knows that eventually he had to face and talk to Ziva, he couldn't ignore her forever.

That evening they would all come together for dinner. Abby had sent the whole team, expect from Gibbs, a message that is was about time they did something together. Knowing Abby, nobody was able to refuse the invitation, so at 7pm they would meet each other. Tony hoped he would be refreshed by that time, Ziva on the other hand was nervous. She looked forward being together with the people she loves but she didn't look forward to see Tony, she had no idea how to be in his presence. She was angry with him, but most of all she felt disappointed. He had hurt her by ignoring her, like she didn't exist. But Ziva would just see how things go and she would definitely enjoy spending time with her dysfunctional but lovely family.

A little before seven that evening everyone was gathered at a small but cosy restaurant. Abby hugged every member of the former MCRT team in a tight embrace, not wanted to let him or her go. She hated that her friends had quit their jobs but she understood why they had done it, but it didn't make it any easier. Tony and Ziva tried to avoid each other the whole time, pretending not to notice each other glances. Near midnight the group started to separate, every one going their own way. It was Tony who made his way toward Ziva.

"Ziva?"

Ziva just ignored him, she was not in the mood to talk to him right now.

"Ziva would you stop walking for a second and listen to me?" Tony asked.

"Now you want to talk to me Tony after ignoring me for the last four days!" Ziva almost shouted.

Tony knew it wouldn't be easy to talk to Ziva but he just needed her to listen to him. The last four days he had plenty of time to think about them and to be honest he is afraid. That day, at his mother's grave, the man was glad that he had asked Ziva to come along but now he was not so sure. How was he supposed to share all of his feelings with her? His mother had broke his heart and he never wanted to go through that pain again. His head told him he could trust Ziva but his heart was still not completely sure. For now he just wanted to fix their friendship.

"Can we talk Ziva, let me explain it…" He whispered, making no eye contact with her.

Ziva was still hurt and angry with Tony but seeing him like this, miserable, she decided to give him a chance to explain himself.

"Speak DiNozzo!"

"Can we go to my place, it's easier to talk there?" He asked after some hesitation.

"Here is just fine, just spill it out Tony."

"Come on Ziva, I know I'm a jerk but can we please talk in private and not in the middle of the road?"

"Okay but make it quick, I'm tired." She answered after hearing the desperation in his voice.

Twenty minutes later they arrived at Tony's place still not talking to each other.

"Don't look at the mess, I didn't have time to clean up." Tony said.

Ziva walked into his apartment and was shocked to see the mess, there were lots of beer bottles on his coffee table. His livingroom was a complete chaos.

"Tony…" Ziva whispered.

"Come we will sit in the kitchen, no mess there." Tony joked, trying to lighten up the mood.

"What is going on with you?" Ziva asked, the worry audible in her voice.

"Nothing Ziva…"

"Be honest with me Tony! Why did you ignore my messages, I even came over. Why didn't you answer your door?" She requested.

"I don't know where to begin to be honest Ziva… I thought I was okay with you coming along and meeting my mother, I mean you know… But now I'm not sure, I want to share my feelings with you but right now I have absolutely no idea how. And I am very sorry for that, you trusted me with some of your stuff and I blew it. I completely blew it…" Tony babbled wanted to get it all out, the guilt of ignoring her becoming bigger and bigger.

Ziva was taken aback by his words, she wanted to take away his insecurities and tell him everything would be alright but that would be a lie and she knew it.

"I do not know what to say Tony…"

"And that's our problem isn't it? We don't know how to talk to each other? I mean we talk but not about the difficult stuff. We need to find a way to talk about that as well..." Tony said gently.

"I know Tony…" Ziva whispered, all the emotions of the last days coming back. They both wanted to take their friendship to a higher level but they were both emotional dysfunctional. Some tears made their way done her cheeks…

Tony let his instinct take over and put his arms around her body, enveloping her in a hug. Some of his own tears escaped his eyes. The two of them stood there, both silently shedding some tears, because it hurts. They cared about each other deeply but that was not enough to make it work in the long run. They needed to find a way to talk honestly about all of their feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like always: reviews are more than welcome! Enjoy the rest of the weekend!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> Here is a new chapter finally, sorry for the delay. I have re-readed all the previous chapters and still found lots of grammatical/spelling mistakes, my fault sorry! Enjoy and thank you all for reading!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!

Previously:

Tony let his instinct take over and put his arms around her body, enveloping her in a hug. Some of his own tears escaped his eyes. The two of them stood there, both silently shedding some tears, because it hurts. They cared about each other deeply but that was not enough to make it work in the long run, they needed to find a way to talk honestly about all of their feelings.

Chapter 10:

After a while Tony and Ziva parted, both secretly missing each other warmth. It was Tony who spoke first:

"We will find a way Ziva, we always do." He said with a harsh voice.

"I hope so… I should go home it is getting late." Ziva answered her voice still lanced with tears.

"You can stay if you like?" Tony asked with some hesitation.

"No thank you I want to go home."

"You're still mad at me... I understand it wasn't fair of me to ignore you like that. I'm sorry Ziva, take your time." Tony stated.

"I am but you can try and make it up to me with lunch tomorrow, maybe?" Ziva suggested.

"That I can do!" Tony exclaimed, relieved that Ziva was not shutting him out.

"Okay good, see you tomorrow." Ziva said, while walking toward his front door.

"Bye Ziva, be safe and good night."

Tony was alleviated that Ziva had listen to him, he knew things would not be good right away but they could work through it, they always did. He had been a completely idiot toward her without any reason, his behaviour was not Ziva's fault, not at all. Tony needed to make up his mind, if he wanted to start a serious relationship with Ziva. It was only logical then that he should share his feelings with her. He knew for sure that Ziva would not be a casual woman with whom he would have sex a couple of times and never see again afterward. No she was the one for him, his soulmate, he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. But he needed to make sure they were on the same page.

Ziva was so confused, one minute she was angry and disappointed with Tony and the next she wanted nothing more than be in his company and share the same space. That's what being in love feels like I guess, Ziva thought. She felt worn out by all these feelings and raw emotions but she also was relieved, at least Tony had been honest. They could work together to overcome their problems, that she knew for sure. Ziva was looking forward to seeing Tony tomorrow.

The following day at exactly 12pm Tony knocked on Ziva's door.

"Hey Zeevaaah I'm here bearing gifts, some delicious sandwiches and a movie or two." Tony announced with a playful grin.

"Then I guess you can come in." Ziva smiled.

"Thank you."

They ate in a comfortable silence while watching one of Tony's movies, 'Bad Boys II', to keep things light between them. After lunch it was Tony who broke the silence:

"Ziva, can I ask you something?"

"Yes of course."

"I don't really know how to say it without too much pressure but when you said a while ago that maybe we should be in a relationship... Eum I mean we are talking about the same thing here right?" Tony voiced, not sure about Ziva's reaction.

Ziva hadn't seen that question coming but it would be good to know what the other expected. So after some consideration she answered:

"If you mean by the same thing a serious relationship than yes." Ziva felt very self-conscious, she wasn't used to talking so openly about her feelings.

A huge grin appeared on Tony's face.

"Good very good, so we agree on that super! Okay here is what we could do, if you want to of course. It's very obvious that it's difficult for the both of us to talk about our feelings, about personal and painful stuff in general. But I think that if we want to become more than friends we have to talk about all of it at some point. I don't want to pressure you, don't get me wrong. We already shared things you know, the whole post-elevator-us. But what do you think if we shared something personal that the other don't know yet every week. What do you think Ziva?" Tony suggested, not sure how she would react.

Ziva was listening very carefully and could do nothing more than agree with him. Tony was right. If they wanted to work toward a relationship, then they had to share things, stuff that was important.

"I think it is a good idea Tony, but…" Ziva answered, but avoid making eye contact with him.

"But what Zi?" Tony asked.

"Just one step at the time yes?"

"Yes, I know it won't be easy but I'm willing to try. Are you?"

"I am Tony, but you have to promise me something."

"Anything!" Tony responded quickly.

"I know we both need some space from time to time but promise me you will not run away or ignore me afterward." Ziva stated very determined, she could forget the previous days but she was not going to let Tony play with her feelings.

"I promise Ziva, I was an idiot. I'm sorry." Tony answered honestly.

"Stop apologizing, rule number six DiNozzo." Ziva said while smiling.

"Yea I know! Okay that's enough heavy stuff for one day, don't you think?"

"I agree." Ziva returned.

"Oh Ziva one more question." Tony added suddenly very unsure.

"I am listening Tony."

"I know we are not there yet and it may take us weeks, months hell even years before we have confided each other with everything. But would you like to go out on a date with me?"

Ziva was utterly overwhelmed with Tony's invitation, he wanted to go on a date with her? Whoow! Ziva knows it makes sense to ask someone on a date when you're interested in him or her, but it felt kind of surreal that Tony would ask her. She felt like the luckiest girl in the world right now, Tony had asked her on a date and not someone else! It took Ziva some time to gather her thoughts.  
Meanwhile Tony was considering if he had made a huge mistake, maybe it was too early. He had to make things right before they were out of control and he lost her as a friend.

"Ziva it's okay if it's to soon, you don't have to. You can say no if you don't want to." Tony stuttered.

"No Tony I want to, I would like to go on a date with you! Thank you." Ziva answered, not wanting to give Tony the wrong impression. She would absolutely love to go on a date with him.

"You're sure?"

"Yes I am!" Ziva expressed.

"Okay Miss David, then I would like to invite you on a date with me next Wednesday." Tony asked very serious, but with a huge smile on his face.

Ziva didn't have to think twice. "I would love to go on a date with you Tony!" Ziva answered, very happy and with sparkling eyes.

All Tony could do was continue to smile, he felt like he had won the lottery, probably even better! His day couldn't get any better.

"Thank you Ziva, I'm honored." He replied after some time.

Ziva was affected by Tony's offer, her cheeks were starting to blush. This was so not her, she never blushed but Tony has his ways to take her by surprise. She felt safe in Tony's company and was grateful to have him in her life. She moved closer to him on his couch and placed her head on his shoulder while taking his hand in hers.

"Thank you Tony." Ziva whispered after a while.

They continued to watch movie after movie, just content to be in each other presence…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading, like usual reviews are more than welcome!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone!  
> Here's a new chapter, the longest since I started writing this story, enjoy!  
> I would love to hear your opinion about this chapter!  
> Thank you all for reading!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!

When it was finally Wednesday Ziva was starting to get nervous, tonight she and Tony would go out on an actual date. Not pretending to be married or whatsoever, but just going out as Tony and Ziva. It was exciting. Ziva had no idea what to expect, Tony wouldn't give her any hint on what they were going to do at all. Ziva had texted him several times these last two days, in the hope he would give her any clue but to no avail. His only response was that they weren't going out to dinner, not this time anyway, and that he would pick her up at 7:45pm. Ziva had no idea what to wear, she wanted to look good for Tony, so a dress would be fitting but maybe it would be too much since they weren't going out for dinner, dilemma…

In the meantime Tony was preparing himself for tonight, this would be their moment! He had to pull some strings to make his plans work and he hoped Ziva would like it. Tony had never done something like this before because it was going to be something very personal. Never before had he trusted anyone enough to share these memories with him, but with Ziva it felt right. Tony trusted her with his life. Ziva would hopefully understand what it means for him to share this with her. Tony hopes were high for tonight, he was going to make sure Ziva had a great night. He decided to wear comfortable but nice clothes, one of his new jeans and a dark blue shirt he liked.

At exactly 7:45pm Tony arrived at Ziva's place, thirty seconds later Ziva opened her door. Ziva was looking absolutely beautiful, she wore a simple but elegant dark green dress that came just above her knees and showed her figure perfectly. Her hair was woven in a half French braid and a little make-up was visible on her face. Tony had trouble keeping his eyes from her.

"Hey Tony." Ziva greeted him, a big smile on her face.

"Hey Ziva. You look wonderful." Tony spoke, smiling as well.

Ziva started to blush and was slightly thrown off. How was it possible that Tony could make her feel like a completely different woman? When she was around him she felt appreciated and respected, it was a very nice feeling. She was lucky to have him in her life!

"Thank you Tony, you are looking quite handsome yourself." Ziva answered and it was the truth. Tony looked very good when he wore a suit at work. But it was refreshing to see him in more casual clothes, he looked lighter in them, more carefree.

"Ready to go Ziva?"

"I am, were are we going?"

"Someone is a little impatience." Tony stated.

"I do not like surprises, you know that Tony." Ziva replied, looking Tony directly in the eyes.

"Yes I know Zi, but I hope you will like this one."

"Without a doubt, I trust you!" Ziva said, while giving Tony an honest smile.

"Great, oh before I forget this is for you." Tony said while giving her a single rose.

Ziva was a little bit overwhelmed by everything. It was very pleasant to be treated like this, like you are important to someone else. She was definitely not used to all of it, Ziva had dated many men before but most of the time it was in regard of a mission. To gain their trust and the needed information she would sleep with them when necessary, romance and dating was not included in that plan. Even when she was in a relationship with Michael and later Ray, it wasn't all that bride and shiny.

Tony saw the doubt reflecting in Ziva's eyes, had it been too much too soon? She was looking at the floor, avoiding his eyes. This is where the past interfered he thought, both of them had commitment issues as a result of their pasts. But Tony wouldn't let her withdraw from him, not tonight.

"Hé Ziva, can you look at me?"

Ziva was not sure she could look at Tony, she felt kind of emotional at the moment. Moments from the past were flashing through her mind, she knew Tony was not like those other men but opening your heart to someone is never very easy, even more difficult because of her past. But Ziva was determined to not to let her fears come between them tonight and spoke:

"Thank you Tony, all of this is really sweet."

"You deserve the best Ziva." Tony answered her honestly.

"Come on it's time to go or we will be late."

Tony and Ziva rode in a comfortable silence, both lost in their own thoughts. The hopes for tonight were high on both sides. They agreed to take things slow but going on a first date is a big step no matter how the circumstances are. Twenty minutes later they arrived at their destination, the movie theatre. Ziva first thought was seriously Tony another movie? Tony on the other hand was starting to get nervous, this is it he thought. He exited his car and opened Ziva's door like a gentlemen, even extending his hand to her. Even if Ziva was perfectly able to get out of the car by herself she took Tony's hand, knowing all of this was a big deal for him as well.

"Are we going to watch a movie Tony?" Ziva asked, a bit unsure about his plans for tonight.

"Yes we are sweet cheeks, come on!" Tony responded, tugging her hand to indicate her to follow him toward the entrance. His typical DiNozzo grin still plastered on his face.

A couple of minutes later they entered a small room with only about twenty seats and of course a big screen, popcorn and soda in hand. Ziva was confused, she thought the room would be much bigger. Tony guided her toward two seats in the back of the room.

"Why are we here Tony, I thought it would be much bigger? Which movie are we going to watch?" Ziva shouted question after question, doubtless about why they where here all alone.

"Whoho little ninja relax, this is supposed to be a calm night out, just the two of us. Just wait and see Ziva, try to enjoy it." Tony almost pleaded.

Ziva could sense that Tony wanted this night to go smoothly and that she was ruining it by asking all those question. I seriously need to be more patient, Ziva thought.

"Sorry, I am not good with surprises that is all, but I will enjoy myself. How could it be any different, you are already here with me." That last sentence escaped Ziva's mouth before she knew it but she didn't mind, it was after all the truth.

Tony was very delighted by Ziva's comment, it was obvious by her facial expression that she hadn't meant for the words to come out but it was clear she didn't mind. Otherwise she would have said something right? He hoped she would love what he had planned or else he had no idea how to handle the situation.

"I like it too, being here with you I mean." Tony answered. It didn't went unnoticed by Ziva that a slight blush was visible on his cheeks, but she thought it was charming seeing him so open.

They waited in silence, each lost in their own thoughts, till the movie started. It was Tony who took Ziva's hand after a while and squeezed it lightly. Ziva looked Tony in the eyes, a smile visible on her face and squeezed his hand back. Letting him now that is was okay of him to take her hand. Suddenly the screen light up and the movie started, it was only after a couple of minutes that Ziva started to recognize the movie. A light sign of surprise escaped her throat.

"Tony…" Was all Ziva could manage to say.

Tony had no idea if the way Ziva reacted was positive or negative and a feeling of uncertainty aroused within him. Meanwhile Ziva was taken aback by Tony's choice of movie, was he willing the share such a bittersweet moment with her? I was Tony who spoke first:

"You only read the book, so I thought you should see the movie as well, you know?"

Ziva knew Tony was hiding his feelings again by making a silly comment about it but she would not let him get away with it so easily. Had he any idea how touched Ziva was by letting her in on something so personal to him? She knew it was the last movie he had seen together with his mother, later he had told her he never had found the strength to watch the movie again. Ziva was planning on letting him know how grateful she was to bring her to this place, she gently squeezed his hand urging him to look at her.

"Thank you Tony. This is wonderful, it is true I have never before saw 'The Little Prince'. Thank you for sharing this with me, it must not be easy." Ziva whispered.

All Tony could do was give her a shy smile, one Ziva was not very familiar with. A few seconds later Ziva placed her head on his shoulder and they continued watching the movie in silence.  
When the movie ended the lights came back on and Ziva could see that Tony's eyes were shimmering with tears. Seeing him like this made Ziva's heart ache. Seeing the movie again for the first time in such a long time must bring back memories for him. She gently placed a light kiss on his cheek.

"Are you okay Tony?" She whispered, urging him to look at her.

"Yes I am Ziva, I had no idea it would bring back so much memories from the last time I saw the movie that's all." Tony whispered back, blinking with his eyes to make the tears go away.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ziva asked him tentatively, knowing it's difficult to recall the past.

"Not really." Tony shrugged.

"That is fine." Ziva responded with a small smile. She would like to be able to take his pain away, she was not used to see Tony this vulnerable. At work he behaved like the biggest class-clown in town most of the time. But Ziva knows he is an excellent investigator, he just always hides his real feelings behind jokes and movie references. Only this last year, the whole post-elevator-us, and in particular these last few weeks she had begin to see the Tony behind all these masks. And it truly hurts her to see him in so much pain. It was Tony who interrupted Ziva thoughts:

"It's only 10pm, if you like we can go back to your place and go for a walk before we go home? What do you think?"

"Yes I would like that Tony." Ziva answered.

"Okay let's go then." Tony announced, while taking Ziva's hand in his and leading them toward the exit.

The drive back was silent. 'The Little Prince' is really a beautiful movie, Ziva thought. Tony on the other hand was relieved Ziva liked the movie, it was probably different than any other date she had been to, but he wanted to make it a special occasion for the both of them. Tony parked his car at Ziva's apartment, got out and opened Ziva's door.

"Thank you Tony."

It was Ziva who took Tony's hand in hers and together they walked toward the park, the sun was slowly starting to go down. They made their way toward a bench.

"Did you like it Ziva? It was probably not what you expected but I hope…"

Tony couldn't finish his sentence, Ziva wanted to make sure Tony knew she loved what he had done for them.

"I loved it Tony, do not worry. It was perfect."

Tony was smiling wildly due to her answer. "Glad you liked it Zi."

Ziva snuggled closer to Tony and intertwined their hands. They stayed like that for a long time, only when it was practically dark outside they made their way back to Ziva's apartment. When they were in front of Ziva's door Tony planned to say good night but apparently Ziva had others plans in mind:

"Tony… It probably sounds stupid and I should not be this weak but would you like to stay over?"

Tony had not expected that question at all. He wanted to do things the right way with her, it was after all only their first date.

"First of all Ziva it's not weak! But… I want to do this, waving between them, the right way. Don't get me wrong. I would like to stay over, but normally the guy just gets the woman home safely, not staying over on the first date."

Ziva was touched that Tony wanted to do the right thing and be a completely gentlemen but she didn't want to be alone tonight.

"Since when do we do things the normal way DiNozzo?" Ziva smirked.

"Yea I know Ziva." Tony answered, while smiling because she was absolutely right. Doing things like it's supposed to be it not their thing.

"Tony I do not want to be alone tonight." Ziva told him honestly, her voice giving away that she felt very emotional.

"And it is not like we never slept in the same bed before." She added.

"I can't argue with that." Tony answered, secretly happy not to be alone tonight. It had been an emotional day. He was relieved that Ziva liked the date he had planned for them, but it was still hard.

"I think I still have my bag in the car, I will be right back."

Within two minutes Tony was back, bag in hand. The two made their way toward Ziva's bedroom, both preparing themselves for the night. They crawled under the covers, facing each other.

"Thank you Tony for tonight, it is really a beautiful movie."

"Does that mean you want to go out on a second date with me David?" Tony asked with a playful voice.

"I do not know yet, I have to think about that." Ziva responded, picking up on Tony's playful mood.

"Yea thanks, that's the way to bring down someone confidence Ziva."

Ziva hid Tony on the arm. "I was just joking Tony, I would love to go on a second date with you."

This brought the smile back on Tony's face. "Thank you Ziva, good night." Tony said and placed a small kiss on Ziva's forehead.

Ziva smiled at Tony, she truly felt safe in his company. "Good night Tony."

Both happy about the day events, they quickly drifted into a peaceful sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank the people who wrote a review, it's nice to hear your opinions!  
> Like always reviews are more than welcome! Enjoy the rest of the weekend!


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!  
> Next chapter is up, thank you all for reading!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or the characters!

The following morning it was Ziva who woke up first, surprised that she had slept through the whole night. These last few weeks the nightmares and memories kept her from a full night of needed sleep, but right now she felt re-energized. Last evening had been incredible, Tony had surprised her by sharing such a personal memory with her. Then they had enjoyed walking through the park and sitting close to each other. After that Ziva had found the courage to ask Tony to stay over and now they lay in the same bed. It doesn't feel awkward at all, Ziva thought, she felt safe and calm being this close to him.

Tony was currently sleeping on his stomach, his legs and arms spread away from his body. He looked quite cute, Ziva thought, but no way she was ever going to mention that to Tony. His face was also clear from any worry and that was definitely something nice to see. Last night after the movie ended, Ziva had seen so many hurt upon his face and it was hard to see Tony struggling with his feelings. He always kept everything to himself but sometimes it was eating him from the inside out. After they had visit the graveyard there were many questions Ziva would like to ask Tony, some of them more easily than others. But she would give him space and time, Tony would talk to her when he was ready. But there was one question that she was going to ask him, it would be difficult but she needed to know the answer.

At that moment Tony's eyes fluttered open, a yawn escaping his throat. At first Tony was slightly confused, he was not sleeping in his own bed and there was someone beside him. But then he remembered everything, his date with Ziva and she asking him to stay over at her place. A huge smile appeared on his face.

"Good morning my ninja." Tony spoke, his voice thick with sleep while rolling onto on his side so he could face Ziva.

Ziva sent him a smile, she secretly loved it when Tony called her his ninja. "Good morning Tony, slept well?"

"Yes I did, thank you. You?"

"Me too." This time a sad smile was on her face.

Tony noticed this instantly, he crept closer toward her and slowly placed a hand around her waist.

"What's wrong Zi?" He asked.

"Nothing…"

"Ziva." Tony said, his tone telling her to be honest with him.

"No Tony it is not something bad, I slept well." Ziva answered trying to give him a smile, but failing.

"No nightmares?" Tony asked.

How was it possible that he knew I still have nightmares, Ziva thought? But yea this was Tony after all, there was not a lot that escaped his attention when it came to her.

'How do you…?" Ziva stuttered.

"I know you Ziva and even if you don't want to talk about it, your eyes won't shut up. It's okay, your secret is safe with me." Tony answered, trying to lighting up the mood.

"Thank you." Was all Ziva could respond.

The two of them lied in that position for a couple more minutes, Tony's arm still wrapped around Ziva's waist. Letting their eyes speak for them, words were not necessary to let the other know that they had each other's back. It was Ziva who broke the silence:

"Tony, can I ask you something?"

"Yea you can Ziva."

"You will not like it…" Ziva said.

"In that case… no just joking, shout Ziva." Tony answered, a grin plastered on his face.

"Can I ask you how you mother died?"

Tony was shocked by Ziva's question, he had not seen that one coming.

"Ohh Zi…" Was all Tony said, a deep sigh escaping his throat. What should he tell her? The truth or just trying to chance the subject… "Pfffff…"

Ziva gave Tony all the time he needed to make up his mind and give him the space he needed. She simply squeezed his hand, letting him know she was here for him. After a while Tony cleared his throat.

"She… My mom tried to kill herself but… But we found her and brought her to the hospital. She died four days later because of…" Tony couldn't find the words anymore, his voice was filled with tears. His was trying so hard to keep his emotions in check, but memories from that day attacked his brain. Tony tried to slow down his breathing, but failed.

Ziva was utterly shocked by Tony's revelation about his mother's dead. Back in the beginning she had read Tony's file for Ari but in only mentioned Tony's mothers died. So she always assumed it was because of cancer or an other terrible disease. But suicide had never crossed Ziva's mind. From experience she knows it's difficult as a child to lose your mother at a young age because of an illness. But how do you explain to a child that him/her mother or father killed them self because he/she was tired of living? It was absolutely killing her to see Tony like this, he was trying so hard to keep his emotions inside, but it was hurting him and she knew it. Ziva knew Tony doesn't like to show his feelings but she desperately wanted to comfort him. She gently placed her hand on his back, making soothing circles up and down.

Tony felt like he needed to escape, the last time someone had seen him in this kind of state… He couldn't remember, it was a very long time ago. But he had promised Ziva a couple of days ago not to run away. A silent sob escaped his throat.

"Let it out Tony…" Ziva whispered in Tony' ear.

"I… I can't." Tony spoke, trying to keep his tears at bay but failing.

"Yes you can Tony, I am not going to think any less of you. You have been there for me so many times these last couple of weeks. Now it is my turn to have your back. You cannot keep everything inside Tony, it is not healthy. I have got you."

At these words Tony broke town, he loosened his grips on Ziva's waist and buried his face in his pillow, his hands beneath the pillow, loud sobs escaping his throat. Ziva was overwhelmed with tears herself and began stroking his head and back gently, whispering soothing words to him.

Tony was not going to let Ziva see his tears, no way but grief overwhelmed him and tears rolled down his cheeks freely. He did what he thought was best, hiding his face in his pillow. But Ziva was there to comfort him, that action alone brought more tears in his eyes and he started to lose control over his emotions.

"It is going to be okay Tony, just let it all out. I have got you." Ziva continued to whisper, her voice filled with tears herself.

After a long time Tony turned around and faced Ziva, wiping away his tears.

"This is not how I thought this morning would go." Tony murmured his voice harsh from crying.

"Me neither." Ziva answered sitting up against the headboard, Tony imitating her actions.

Even if it was only morning Tony felt exhausted…

"Pfff…"

"Are you okay a little bit?" Ziva asked, taking Tony's hand in hers.

"Yea… I just did not expect you to ask me that. My head is a mess right now... Having no work, Gibbs, just everything…"

"I know…" Ziva answered, squeezing his hand.

"Thank you Ziva and sorry."

"You are more than welcome and you do not have to be sorry Tony."

"I am a DiNozzo, we DiNozzo's don't cry Zi." Tony stated, his voice still harsh.

"Do you really believe that Tony?"

"I guess so, Senior always told me that. I think over the years I started to believe it." Tony answered honestly.

"Than I think your father is wrong."

"Maybe…" Tony answered while closing his eyes.

"You know no one has ever asked me that question before." Tony started. "I guess I was not prepared for it, I didn't mean to cry like that, sorry."

"Stop apologizing Tony, there is nothing to be sorry about. Why do you never talk about your mother?" Ziva asked with some hesitation.

Tony shrugged. "It isn't something pleasant Ziva, so I just never mentioned it."

"You know you can talk to me, right?"

"I know Ziva and that goes both ways, you can talk to me as well."

"I know…" Ziva responded giving Tony's hand a squeeze.

"I loved her so much." Tony whispered after a while. "I still do…"

After Tony said this Ziva placed her head on his shoulder, a single tear escaping her eye. She knew a little how Tony must feel, she had lost her mother at a young age as well. She had never talked about it with anyone other than her family, but at least she still had her siblings and father, from time to time, to turn to. Tony had been on his own, he had told her back in the beginning that when he turned twelve his father had disowned him. Knowing Senior now, she couldn't understand how he could do that to his son at such a young age. Tony had become a great man but that was not because of his father.

"Your mother would be proud of you Tony." Ziva said in a low voice.

At that Tony placed his arm around Ziva's waist, keeping her close.

"I think we already had enough drama for today Ziva, let's do something fun. We can do some sightseeing, just hang out. What do you think?"

"Sounds like a good idea, I will make us some breakfast, you can you take a shower if you want."

"I would like that." Tony answered while getting up. Ziva followed his actions and stood in front of him.

"Are you okay?" She asked tentatively.

"I am okay Ziva." Tony answered, placing a light kiss on her forehead, just like last night.

They each made their way toward their destination, eager to start the rest of the day. Today already had been emotionally exhausted, they needed some fun!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like always reviews are more than welcome! I would like to hear your opinion about the story, it's important to me. So please review, thank you!

**Author's Note:**

> Will be continued.
> 
> Greetz!


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